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Band 6.0CEFR B2279 words

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their level of fitness are decreasing. What do you think are causes of these problem and solutions?

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt with a clear position, organized paragraphs, and relevant supporting arguments. However, it suffers from several grammatical inaccura...

IELTS WritingCEFR B2Checked

Prompt

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their level of fitness are decreasing. What do you think are causes of these problem and solutions?

Essay review

Annotated essay

Interactive

In recent years, increasing weight has become a pressing concern as it significantly affects the level of fitness and requires immediate attention. This essay will explore the main reasons behind the rising level of obesity and decrease in physical activities and propose effective solutions to address the issue.

There are several key reasons why the rise in human weight has emerged as a significant problem. One of the primary causes is a more sedentary lifestyle. People are making the usage of technological appliances their first preference and getting less involved in doing physical activities, which is giving birth to health-related issues such as obesity. For instance, it is found that more than one-third of people in the world are suffering from obesity due to their less involvement in manual work. Additionally, another major cause is the rise in usage of the internet, due to which people are utilising a lot of their time on social media and playing games. This factor leads to gaining more weight.

To tackle this issue, several effective solutions can be implemented. One potential solution is limiting screen time. This approach would allow individuals to lessen the use of social media and allow them to get involved in physical activities. Another possible solution is that the higher authorities should impose taxes on processed and imported foods. This approach would be particularly effective as it will make the food more expensive.

In conclusion, the overweight stems from a sedentary lifestyle and using mobile phones has led to the birth of several diseases. However, by implementing solutions such as reducing screen time and by imposing heavy taxes on processed food, it is possible to mitigate this issue.

Error patterns

Band & CEFR

Band 6.0

CEFR B2 · High

Assessment summary

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt with a clear position, organized paragraphs, and relevant supporting arguments. However, it suffers from several grammatical inaccuracies—notably subject-verb agreement errors, awkward lexical collocations, and some repetitive phrasing—which restrict the band score.

Scoring criteria

Task Response 6.5

Strengths

  • Addresses both causes (sedentary lifestyle, screen time) and solutions (limiting screen time, taxing processed foods).
  • Maintains a clear and consistent position throughout the introduction, body, and conclusion.

Weaknesses

  • Some arguments, such as the mention of imported foods, are introduced without deep extension or detailed consequence.
  • Generalizations regarding digital usage leading to weight gain could benefit from more precise elaboration.

The response covers all aspects of the task with a recognizable stance and relevant ideas, though the development of solutions remains somewhat standard rather than thoroughly explored.

Coherence & Cohesion 6.5

Strengths

  • Clear overall progression with separate paragraphs for introduction, causes, solutions, and conclusion.
  • Appropriate use of basic cohesive devices ('One of the primary causes', 'To tackle this issue').

Weaknesses

  • Relies at times on formulaic transitional phrases ('Another major cause is', 'Another possible solution is').
  • Some referencing is slightly repetitive when introducing supporting points.

The essay is easy to follow and paragraphing is logical, but the transitional devices used are somewhat repetitive and lack sophisticated cohesion.

Lexical Resource 6.0

Strengths

  • Incorporates some useful topic vocabulary such as 'sedentary lifestyle', 'obesity', and 'technological appliances'.
  • Attempts paraphrase of the prompt in the introduction.

Weaknesses

  • Contains awkward collocations and non-standard phrasing ('making the usage of', 'less involvement in', 'rise in usage').
  • Repeats certain key vocabulary items rather than demonstrating a wide lexical range.

Vocabulary is sufficient for the task and conveys meaning, but awkward collocations and limited paraphrasing variety prevent a higher band.

Grammar Range & Accuracy 5.5

Strengths

  • Attempts complex sentences using relative clauses ('which is giving birth to', 'which will make').
  • Maintains clear sentence boundaries for the most part.

Weaknesses

  • Repeated subject-verb agreement errors ('level of fitness are decreasing', 'the overweight stems').
  • Awkward syntactic structures and gerund phrasing ('making the usage of', 'due to gaining more weight').

Grammatical control is inconsistent. Several recurring subject-verb agreement errors and awkward verb patterns lower the accuracy score.

Writing stats

Words
279
Paragraphs
4
Grammar issues
3
Lexical suggestions
5
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