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Band 5.0CEFR B1303 words

Many working people get little or no exercise during the work day, and have health problems as a result. -Why do so many people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? -Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The essay addresses both parts of the prompt, but suffers from frequent grammatical errors, awkward word choices, non-standard collocations, and repetitive phrasing. The organiz...

IELTS WritingCEFR B1Checked

Prompt

Many working people get little or no exercise during the work day, and have health problems as a result. -Why do so many people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? -Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Essay review

Annotated essay

Interactive

In this busy life, a significant portion of individuals are not getting sufficient time for doing physical activity or some of them are able to do it little. There are numerous consequences for this situation; however, there are few measures to mitigate this issue. Both problem and solution will be justified further.

There are a wealth of compelling reasons. The most prominent one is working full time. To elaborate further, the competitive work culture of 21st century has rendered a fast paced urben lifestyle, where learners and working people are in morning rush to reach to their workplace. One good illustration is that, in terms of working hard, they will get tired easily as well as it make them mentally fragile. Hence, they are refuse to do exercises. Another striking reason is habitual to sedentary lifestyle. Because of the advancement of technology, whenever folks get time, they used to spend it on social media or playing games, which can make them lazy.

There are few measures to solve this problem. Firstly, the government can play a paramount role to promote healthy lifestyle. As they can spread awareness through campaigns, which can not only be ameliorate the knowledge about importance of physical well being but also proponents will come to know that exercise can be beneficial for mental health. Secondly, the authorities should have to arrange a free exercise camp with trained fitness instructor. To specify further, in order to get free exercises, an immense amount of individuals will start of doing activity as they find it expensive to pay for the gym.

To conclude, indeed, it can be finally commented that there are myriad causes such as working full time as well as sedentary livelihood; whereas there are numerous solutions too. Such as awareness campaigns and free exercise camp will alleviate the problem.

Error patterns

Band & CEFR

Band 5.0

CEFR B1 · High

Assessment summary

The essay addresses both parts of the prompt, but suffers from frequent grammatical errors, awkward word choices, non-standard collocations, and repetitive phrasing. The organizational structure is somewhat disjointed, with mechanical links and underdeveloped explanations. Sentence structures are often repetitive or ungrammatical.

Scoring criteria

Task Response 5.0

Strengths

  • The introduction acknowledges both the causes of insufficient exercise and potential solutions.
  • Both body paragraphs contain distinct ideas relating to why people lack exercise and how to solve it.

Weaknesses

  • Ideas lack deep extension and rely on vague assertions or grammatical confusion rather than clear examples.
  • The conclusion introduces a somewhat disjointed summary that does not fully synthesize the points.

The response addresses the prompt's two main questions, but the support for each point is underdeveloped and lacks precise, concrete examples, leading to a Band 5.0 level for Task Response.

Coherence & Cohesion 5.0

Strengths

  • The essay uses basic sequencing markers such as 'Firstly' and 'Secondly' to organize body paragraphs.
  • Paragraph breaks are present, separating introduction, causes, solutions, and conclusion.

Weaknesses

  • Cohesive devices are used mechanically ('To elaborate further', 'To specify further', 'Both problem and solution will be justified further').
  • Referencing and sentence integration are weak, creating a choppy reading experience.

While there is basic progression and paragraphing, the mechanical use of transitional phrases and weak cohesion between sentences pull the score down to 5.0.

Lexical Resource 5.0

Strengths

  • Attempts are made to include higher-level vocabulary such as 'sedentary lifestyle', 'advancement of technology', and 'campaigns'.

Weaknesses

  • Frequent collocation errors ('start of doing activity', 'render a fast paced urben lifestyle').
  • Spelling errors ('urben') and awkward word choices ('habitual to sedentary lifestyle').

Vocabulary is limited and marred by noticeable word choice, collocation, and spelling errors, corresponding to a Band 5.0.

Grammar Range & Accuracy 4.5

Strengths

  • Some simple sentences are grammatically correct and understandable.

Weaknesses

  • Frequent and severe grammatical errors including subject-verb agreement mismatches ('they are refuse'), tense issues ('they used to spend'), and fragmented relative clauses.
  • Complex structures are attempted but frequently malformed (e.g., 'which can not only be ameliorate').

The essay contains a high density of grammatical errors that regularly impede clarity and affect simple as well as complex structures, justifying a score of 4.5.

Writing stats

Words
303
Paragraphs
4
Grammar issues
6
Lexical suggestions
4
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