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Band 5.0CEFR B1272 words

Some people say that parents have the most significant influence in a child's development. However, other say that things like television or friends have the must important influence on them. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

The essay addresses both views and gives a clear personal opinion, meeting the basic task requirements for Task Response. However, the response suffers from serious structural a...

IELTS WritingCEFR B1Checked

Prompt

Some people say that parents have the most significant influence in a child's development. However, other say that things like television or friends have the must important influence on them. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Essay review

Annotated essay

Interactive

There has been a continuous discussion between two separate persons' viewpoints, whether the parents or TV and friends have the greatest impact in kid's development, I totally agree that parent have the most significent role in child's development.

There is no doubt that parents play a vital role in their kid's development. Hence,there are many factors that contribute consequentley in children growth, firstly, the environment that kid has grown up. For instance, the kids who grew up within rich families, they probably will get better chances to have a higher level of eduction, secondly, the educational background of the parents also contribute in kids development, these kids having educated parents they might have better learning opportunities than those kids with uneducated parents!

Thirdly, parent upbringing style, for example, how they treat their childern in a variety of situations, when children are making good habits, new achievements or learning somthing new, how parents will be showing the recognition and appreciation in order to encourage them, simillarly, when children are making bad attitudes, what kind of punishment they will be using.

On another hand, some people argue that media or friends have the most influence, the friendship is influencing the child's thinking and kids may adopt some new attitudes that are not acceptable for their societies, also the media is showing a lot of contents that not suits all different ages or cultures.

In conclusion, I believe both of two perspective is reasonable whereas I believe that parents have the most influence on their childern as they have the full control to shape thier children's life style, especaily, in their initial years of life.

Error patterns

Band & CEFR

Band 5.0

CEFR B1 · High

Assessment summary

The essay addresses both views and gives a clear personal opinion, meeting the basic task requirements for Task Response. However, the response suffers from serious structural and grammatical deficiencies, including severe run-on sentences, frequent comma splices, persistent subject-verb agreement errors, and spelling mistakes. Coherence is hindered by weak paragraphing and informal linking, while vocabulary is limited and repetitive.

Scoring criteria

Task Response 5.5

Strengths

  • The introduction clearly states the writer's opinion.
  • Both views (parental influence versus media and friends) are acknowledged and discussed to some degree.

Weaknesses

  • Body paragraphs lack clear, extended development and rely heavily on lists of clauses rather than structured reasoning.
  • The discussion of the opposing view is superficial and brief.

The writer addresses the prompt and presents a position, but the development of ideas is limited and mechanical, aligning with Band 5.5.

Coherence & Cohesion 5.0

Strengths

  • Paragraphs are demarcated to separate different arguments.

Weaknesses

  • Paragraph 2 is an extremely long run-on sentence fused with comma splices and ungrammatical transitions.
  • Reference and substitution are poorly controlled, making relationships between clauses confusing.

While there is an overall progression from introduction to body and conclusion, severe structural boundary errors and repetitive mechanical transitions restrict coherence to Band 5.0.

Lexical Resource 5.0

Strengths

  • Some appropriate topic vocabulary is used, such as 'development', 'educational background', and 'influence'.

Weaknesses

  • Spelling errors recur ('significent', 'consequentley', 'simillarly', 'thier', 'especaily').
  • Vocabulary is repetitive and basic, relying on simple terms and informal phrasing like 'kid's' and 'a lot of contents'.

Lexical range is limited and spelling/word formation errors recur across content words, supporting a Band 5.0.

Grammar Range & Accuracy 4.5

Strengths

  • Attempts are made to construct complex sentences with conditional and subordinate clauses.

Weaknesses

  • Frequent subject-verb agreement errors (e.g., 'parent have', 'both of two perspective is').
  • Widespread comma splices and run-on sentences lacking proper grammatical boundaries.
  • Incorrect verb forms and awkward relative clauses.

Grammatical errors are frequent, systematic, and often obscure meaning, particularly through severe sentence boundary breakdowns and agreement mismatches. This warrants a Band 4.5.

Writing stats

Words
272
Paragraphs
5
Grammar issues
13
Lexical suggestions
5
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